Across the globe, LGBTQI organisations are facing seismic shifts in the funding landscape, putting their survival—and the continuation of their vital work—increasingly at risk. In this climate of uncertainty, allyship has become more vital than ever.
“Everyone needs an extra hug right now,” says Esther Healer, a supporter of GiveOut’s Urgent Response Fund. “Everyone needs reminding that whilst it may feel like the world is burning, there are still incredible people in it.”
The Urgent Response Fund was launched to help LGBTQI organisations navigate this period of upheaval by providing vital resources when they’re needed most. Already, this funding has allowed organisations around the world to retain staff, maintain legal aid services and crisis helplines, and provide critical community support.
We sat down with Esther to talk about why it was important for her to support the Urgent Response Fund, the crucial roles allyship plays in uplifting LGBTQI communities, and why small acts of kindness can create ripple effects that last decades.
Could you start by telling us about yourself and the story of how you and GiveOut’s founder Elliot first met?
I grew up in the US and I’m a dual US-UK citizen. I went to Harvard University and then to the London Business School, which is where I met Elliot more than 20 years ago. I couldn’t even begin to tell you whether it was at a party or in a class. It could very well be that I buttonholed Elliot because he said something interesting and I wanted to know more, and our friendship just grew from there.
He and his husband Colin were already together then, and we all became good friends. We share a love of opera and will often go together or help each other get tickets. Elliot is an incredibly bright, passionate person who approaches topics that require both heart and intellect with a lovely balance of both. It’s a privilege to have someone like that in my life as a friend.
These days, I work in finance, love travelling, and enjoy cooking, museums and cultural things. Once upon a time I was quite sporty and did martial arts competitively, but now I’m very glad if I can make it to the gym a few times a week because I have a small child
As an ally to the community, what inspired you to support LGBTQI organisations through GiveOut’s Urgent Response Fund?
We always say that LGBTQI rights are human rights, and that’s an incredibly important phrase, but what does it actually mean?
For me, it means there were always people from that community who were present in the wider fabric of my life and were kind. The first person I was aware of being from the LGBTQI community was my drama teacher. When I was an awkward little preteen getting bullied by other girls, he gave me a safe space in the drama area where I could hang out, even though I was terrible at drama. As an adult looking back, I wonder if part of this was that he understood what it was like to be a little different? As a child, I simply knew he was kind.
“Everyone needs an extra hug right now. Everyone needs reminding that whilst it may feel like the world is burning, there are still incredible people in it. The majority by which certain people were elected wasn’t vast. There is hope.“
We often see what we expect to see but I think, if most people look back upon their lives, they will find at least a few instances of individuals from different groups who appeared with kindness and acceptance at moments it was needed. That has been the case throughout my life, at any rate. To answer that kindness with cruelty, what’s wrong with us? To answer compassion by isolating or ostracising people, to answer a difference that doesn’t impact anybody else with persecution, what’s wrong with us? And particularly, what’s wrong with us if we don’t stand up and say: as human beings, we need each other to exist. We need to cooperate.
Raising children is cooperative. Building cities is cooperative. Running economies is cooperative. Why would we answer people who aren’t counterproductive to our cooperative goals, who are simply a little bit different – and who may furthermore have different or creative solutions to problems we collectively face – with active ostracisation or cruelty? It’s fundamentally weird. And it’s wrong.
So when things come along like this fund with a matching opportunity, why wouldn’t I try to amplify my ability to help? Those matching opportunities are incredibly important. A big shout out to FCDO for providing the match, because that allows a small, individual person like me to magnify my gift if I time it strategically.
How do you view the broader role of allyship in supporting LGBTQI organisations?
How should we as human beings support each other, full stop? One thing I do before travelling to a new country is to look at what the LGBTQI rights are in a country, because I’m a woman, and that’s going to provide insight into what my rights are like. There’s a close interlinkage there.
If a society isn’t somewhat equitable or tolerant of LGBTQI rights, they won’t be of women’s rights either. It says something about how they view humans: people with disabilities, children, people who aren’t simply the physically or most monetarily powerful in their society.
We teach kids sharing and being friendly at a young age, yet there are fundamental breakdowns that at certain societal levels we endorse. So what should any ally do? Figure out where you can be impactful. Is it by being kind? Opening your wallet? Holding a door for someone who can’t get over the threshold or helping a mother with a pram up stairs?
In this particular instance, I can be helpful by listening to people with different experiences, trying to empathise, providing emotional support when I can, monetary support when I can. If I see something wrong and it’s safe to speak up, I’ll try. And it’s also about being smart about how I do that because there are times when you see an injustice and it makes your blood boil and you just want to go straight in there. But it may not be safe and, furthermore, you catch more flies with honey than vinegar. Going head-on at somebody who, for whatever reason, hasn’t understood lessons about compassion is counterproductive. You’ve got to try to find a way to engage with them respectfully, and see if you can find common ground, because it’s really hard for someone who feels under attack, or angry, or unheard to connect with their compassion.
I think we have to look at the sources of why people do unkind things. If somebody does something unkind because they’ve been hurt, you ask: is there some way I can help them address that unhappiness? If I can help them address that hurt, maybe I can help them be kinder and see someone else’s position. It doesn’t always work, of course, but it’s often worth giving it a try.
What’s your advice for others wanting to be better allies, especially given current challenges?
There are two things, emotional and monetary support.
On the emotional side, anybody reading this is probably either part of the community or has friends in it. Everyone needs an extra hug right now. Everyone needs reminding that whilst it may feel like the world is burning, there are still incredible people in it. The majority by which certain people were elected wasn’t vast. There is hope.
We have to remind each other of that. We have to retain our civilisation whilst helping our friends in the community. We have to remain resilient, conserve our emotional energy so we aren’t exhausted by the volatility of the news, and be ready to build something positive when opportunities arise.
Monetarily, if anybody can give a little extra when they can, especially if there’s a matching opportunity, that’s great too, because then you get to amplify what you can do as an individual.
“I feel very honoured and privileged to call myself an ally, to know Elliot and so many people in the community. I’m keeping my fingers crossed that tomorrow is a better day.”
And finally, what message would you share with the organisations you’ve supported?
First, thank you for your courage. Thank you for standing up for what’s right, for our fellow human beings.
If we look back 50, 100, 200 years ago, whether it’s at LGBTQI rights, women’s rights, children’s rights, workers’ rights, there has been so much progress made towards greater equality. God willing, that will continue, as long as people are willing to put in the time, effort, and heart, and to focus on engaging respectfully.
Whether you’re talking to people with different views on vaccines or politics, we don’t get anywhere as a species when we’re butting heads. We have to find ways to communicate. When we do, we often find more similarities than differences. The differences we have, we can often find ways to live with.
I think GiveOut are doing an amazing job. I feel very honoured and privileged to call myself an ally, to know Elliot and so many people in the community. I’m keeping my fingers crossed that tomorrow is a better day.
Learn more about about the impact of the US funding freeze here